Working Towards Understanding

Though I have lived with PTSD for over 20 years, I have never been suicidal. I’ve never come close to having suicidal thoughts, and the thought of doing the acts that could end my life make me squeamish. That being said, I know I’ll never be immune to suicide, because having known some who have attempted and some who have succeeded and still struggling to understand why they did what they did leads me to believe the desire to end one’s own life can happen to anyone.

The deaths of Kate Spade and Anthony Bourdain, two people who offered special gifts that influenced millions, have been shocking. Both had extraordinarily positive personas, which is why many of us were drawn to them. Knowing that a new cheerful design and a captivating story will never be shared by either of them ever again is incredibly sad, and though I’d much rather they were both still living here in this realm with the rest of us, their passing has forced me, and perhaps others, to take a deeper look at why people commit suicide. 

Why do people commit suicide?

I don’t know, but I really want to know. I want to know so that I can recognize this mentality in myself before I have symptoms. I want to know so that if I see something in someone else I can do more before it gets to the point where I have to call the National Suicide Hotline, which by the way is 1-800-273-8255.

I’m not just seeking to understand the signs and symptoms, which include, but are not limited to, a preoccupation with death, social withdrawal, mood swings and exhibiting risky behavior. I want to understand the why….the steps it takes to get to the symptoms. 

I appreciate that this is not an easy subject to talk about, but now may be a time for those who do understand to be brave and share your stories for the sake of helping people like me understand. I know it’s so hard to revisit the past, but know that I will listen with compassion and without judgement while holding you and your story in the safest place possible. I would like to think others would do the same.

There is one thing I do understand about suicide—that everyone I know who has faced it are all good people.