I see this difference in pace most clearly in my acupuncture practice. Years ago, I had a new patient come for her first appointment. I knew nothing about her beforehand. I gave her my intake forms, all 5 pages, for her to fill out. Normally, I sit at my desk and catch up on emails or write while I wait for new patients to complete their forms, but not this time. I had barely sat down and opened my email when this patient sprung from her seat and whisked herself to my desk so quickly I wondered if her feet had touched the ground. Though a bit sloppy with spaces where no information was entered, I could decipher what she had written to give her a safe, effective treatment.
During her time at my office, she revealed to me that she worked and had lived in Manhattan before moving to New Jersey two weeks ago. Already, she wanted to move back to Manhattan despite moving to one of the most coveted towns in the state with a downtown that’s filled with an exceptionally wide variety of restaurants and shops and also has a vintage theater and an art museum. She spoke a mile a minute and her heart rate matched her frantically controlled energy. She constantly checked her phone. She could not sit still. She didn’t understand why her treatment would take over an hour and why her body needed time to respond to the acupuncture needles.
Not all New Yorkers move at this pace, but when I first started going into the city, I thought I had to move fast so as to not stand out like a tourist or get trampled by the crowd. It wasn’t until I went to acupuncture school in Chelsea and spent time with classmates who lived and worked in Manhattan that I noticed they strolled the streets rather than walked briskly, that they didn’t talk super fast, that they took the time to enjoy their surroundings. Though my natural tendency is never to rush, I appreciated that my friends moved at a pace that matched mine.
Years later, I went on vacation to Capitola, California, one of my favorite places in the world. It’s a small beach town next to Santa Cruz on the central coast. It has an area with a small surf break, which is a good spot to learn how to surf. My sister and I took a private lesson. As I fell off my board and continuously apologized for being in the way of other surfers, they kept telling me in their chill tone with a smile, “it’s all good.”
The next morning while waiting in line to order my chai, I noted that the speed at which the line moved at that coffee house was the slowest I’ve ever experienced. Compared to the deli where I would get an egg sandwich in New York City, I could have ordered 10 sandwiches at that pace. I also noted that not a single person seemed to mind.
Cars stop for pedestrians in Capitola. They wait for the person to completely cross the road before proceeding. Sadly, they often don’t stop on Main Street in front of my office, which has two well marked pedestrian crossings, and if they do stop, they’ll only stay stopped until the pedestrian has walked into the other lane. I’ve had cars slowly roll up to me just as I am stepping out of their way.
Stores open on time in New Jersey. One of my favorite stores in Capitola opened a half hour late, and the manager apologized to me once she arrived and she unlocked the door. She had been out surfing and lost track of time.
Newark Airport is like a shopping mall and usually a zoo of people with some running through terminals. The terminal where I typically wait for my departing flight at San Jose Airport has only a few places to grab a bite or a magazine but has this captivating kinetic sculpture that causes me to put my phone away and stare at the balls rolling through various obstacles.
Traffic is terrible in both places, but I hear more horns honked in New Jersey. The beaches get crowded in both places, but I don’t notice my neighbors as much in California. The wealth in both places is sky high, but it’s more obvious in New Jersey.
It’s amazing how different these two places are from each other.
My pace aligns better with what I experience in California. However, the life I’ve built and I love is in New Jersey. That doesn’t mean that I have to move at the pace that others do where I live. Instead, every day I choose to move through my day at my comfort speed, seemingly laid back but still productive compared to those elbowing others to catch a train to make it to work on time.
Sometimes patients will ask me if I’m from around here. I tell them that I grew up one town away and they’re surprised. They often tell me that I seem like I’m from the west coast. I am always prepared for my response—“I am a Jersey girl living a California lifestyle.”
Where one lives does not define them. The same goes for when one is diagnosed with PTSD….it does not define them.
Though I write and speak a lot about PTSD, the vast majority of people in my inner circle, and even people who I know but have a more peripheral role in my life, likely would not think of PTSD being what I’m all, or even mostly, about. More likely they’d say I’m about being outdoors, that I like to travel, that I’m into running, yoga and hiking. They picture someone wearing very little make-up and sometimes wearing strange outfits (but since a lot of the clothes I wear I buy in California, I’d blend in better there). They know I’m into holistic therapies and eat high quality, healthy food. They’d say I love cats and guacamole, though not together. They think I’m sometimes funny but more often they ask me for my opinion about things. They see me as positive and inspiring and successful, the last being the typical view of what “success” looks like is so not what I’m about. And those who really know me best know that I am a huge Incubus fan.
Everyone else who only know me from my writing likely think of PTSD when they see my name, but I also know that they think of my commitment to living with the disorder in the most peaceful way possible.
If you have PTSD, never forget that it doesn’t define you. You define you.
And if you know someone with PTSD, never define them by their disorder. If you do so, you are ignoring the qualities that are worth appreciating and admiring.
No comments:
Post a Comment