photo credit: Forgiven Photography
My childhood was beautiful. I know I am lucky to be able to say that. Though it was not perfect, I never worried where my next meal would come from. I trusted that the insecurities that intermingled among the confidences I gained as I learned new things was a part of growing up. More important to me than anything else, I always knew that at the end of the day no matter what the day brought that I’d fall asleep in the same bed every night.
I’m not a parent, but I was a child, and I think the place where a child rests every night should be the most consistent, peaceful place in their home, perhaps in their life.
My bed was not fancy. It was an old wrought iron bed with chipped white paint. It was a twin size and it was so high I had to use a step stool when I was little. I didn’t choose the quilt or the sheets, but my mom made sure they were clean and the bed was made until I was old enough to take on those responsibilities myself.
On long car rides home after a family event that stretched past my bedtime, I always looked forward to snuggling up in my bed.
After anxious moments that I wasn’t sure how I’d find my way out, I knew I’d have my bed where I could curl up under the covers.
When I was tired and wearing nice clothes that were never comfortable, I relaxed whenever I thought about changing into my pajamas and getting into my bed.
As an adult, these desires to go home and get comfortable in my bed are just as frequent.
I’m privileged to have grown up in a country where my parents didn’t feel the need to flee to escape danger. My father was a lawyer and my mom was a homemaker. They had the luxury of raising me and my sister with structure, of course thanks to their work ethic and efforts, but certainly made easier by living in a free country to pursue what they wanted, not what they had to do in order to survive.
The circumstances of being born in the right time at the right place with the right family is why I was so incredibly fortunate to have a childhood free from trauma….and also one with comforts that unknowingly provided me tools so that I could learn how to soothe myself in a healthy way during stressful times.
Maybe this is a reason why when I developed PTSD after witnessing a tree fall onto my father and seeing him pass on a day and a half later I was able to find my way out of my PTSD symptoms mostly on my own. By the way, I don’t recommend doing that.
Today, when I think of kids who don’t have their own bed to look forward to every night but who have parents who are so desperate to do what they can to create a life where they all are safe, I wonder if on their journey these kids rely on the embrace of their parent’s arms to drift off to sleep. After a long day of migrating towards the US border, I wonder if as these parents hold their children if they reassure them that the sacrifices of leaving their families, friends and everything that is familiar is worth the pursuit of a better life for which they’re willing to work hard to earn.
Once they’ve reached the US border, I wonder if after these kids are lured away from their parent’s arms if they become angry and resentful of them for painting a false story of hope after they become tired of crying themselves to sleep, if they’re even able to fall asleep at all.
I wonder what traumas these kids endure from the adults who put them into cages and in converted superstores. Sure, some of the photos show clean, cheerful bedspreads on twin beds, but not every kid gets a bed like that.
I wonder if these kids understand why their shoelaces are being taken away once they arrive and if they’ve ever even heard of the idea of suicide before. I wonder if they’re contemplating it now.
More than anything else, I wonder what the effects this trauma will have on these kids lives and the ripple effect that will inevitably impact the society in which they integrate and beyond.
Regardless of political viewpoints or what current policy says or doesn’t say or ultimately what anyone wants to see happen with the future of our borders, how can anybody be ok with this?
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