Thursday, March 15, 2018

Quiet

Photo courtesy of Brimstone Creative

During my last vacation, on day one I found myself sitting on the beach staring at the fronds on a nearby palm tree. I noticed their shape, the way they moved with the breeze, the light that illuminated between them. Even though there were so many other things I could have been doing that I love, such as swimming and snorkeling, all I wanted to do was stare at my surroundings. Though I wasn’t wearing a watch, I’d venture to say that that palm tree took my attention for at least 15 minutes.

Right up until we left for vacation, most of my days were rather noisy. Like most people probably do, I squeezed in a lot of work beforehand so that things wouldn’t be waiting for me when I returned. Normally, I have a work/life balance that keeps me feeling productive and joyful at the same time, which took me years to figure out and I’m so grateful that I have. Because many patients wanted to see me before I left, and because I wanted to accommodate them, my days were longer than usual. Add on top of that the effort I was putting into my writing career and other business ventures, plus packing, bill paying, cat boarding and all the other things I like to have in order before going away, I had significantly more tasks crammed into long days than normal. My strategy was to rest on the plane since I knew I’d be exhausted by that point.

I didn’t think those days were particularly noisy per se, because the tasks I was doing I do on a regular basis, but just not all at once. It wasn’t until I sat on that beach and stared at nature did I notice how much my mind was craving quiet. For months, I was looking forward to seeing the fish and coral as I snorkeled, which I like to do every day I’m away. In that moment, I wasn’t interested in doing that. I didn’t even want to think about anything, not even what activities I wanted to do while on vacation or what book I wanted to read. I didn’t even want to think about when I wanted to leave the beach to get ready for dinner. All I wanted to do was stare at nature and admire it’s beauty.

I remember when my PTSD was at its worst and my mind felt very noisy from flashbacks, anxiety and general life stressors that usually come from transitioning into adulthood. Because it was 1997 and society didn’t talk about PTSD like we do today, it never occurred to me that spending time outside looking at nature may be helpful.

So regardless of whether or not you have PTSD, if your mind is feeling noisy, I highly encourage you to go outside and sit in nature. Look at the things around you. What sounds do you hear? What does the fresh air feel like as you breathe it in? Are you able to do this without thinking random thoughts? If not, are those random thoughts helpful or distracting? If they’re distracting, can you commit to a consistent practice of observing nature and see if you can attain that quiet mind you’re seeking? 

2 comments:

  1. Your quest for peace and quiet led you to a beach where you certainly found peace, but I'm sure it was anything but quiet. While the usual urban or even suburban sounds were absent, you still had the sounds of nature - the sounds of the ocean, the sounds of sea birds, the sound of the wind, of others on the beach, of insects, of distant traffic. I'm sure that at the moment, that was all you needed to calm yourself.

    To escape the usual raucous and artificial background sounds we all experience has value in itself even, if it replaced with the more soothing natural sounds of nature.

    I once wondered what the absence of all outside influences would feel like. I finally found it at the altitude of 10,000+ feet at the top of Haleakala Mountain on the island of Maui, Hawai'i. After an almost 2 hour drive to get to the top you can park at the Red Hill parking area. At that point you're above the clouds and any aircraft that may be anywhere near the island. There are no sounds of wind, of birds, insects or other fauna, and if you're there at the right time there's no sound of automobile traffic or other human-generated sounds. It's just total, absolute and all encompassing silence under a clear and dark blue sky. Aside from the temperature it's as close to a religious experience that can happen to someone.

    Since that time I have often found it soothing to mentally travel back to that location. It was an experience that I will never forget and just remembering it is now nearly soothing as actually being there.

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    Replies
    1. Your experience at the top of the mountain in Hawaii sounds amazing! Thank you so much for sharing that!

      A clarification point, and perhaps this wasn't particularly clear in my blog, but what I refer to as quiet is not necessarily the absence of sounds but rather the turning down of the overthinking/overstimulated brain. It's been my experience that I don't feel like my best self when my mind is running a mile a minute, so quieting that activity down is what I yearn for. I've been able to tone it down even in urban environments such as New York City (specifically the southern tip of Manhattan, which is my new favorite spot).

      You bring up a very good point that changing the type of sounds we hear can be very helpful. Again, thank you for sharing!

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