I am a big believer that we have the power to choose our thoughts. One of my favorite quotes about this comes from Abraham Lincoln—“Most people are about as happy as they make up their minds to be.” I practice this every day. Every morning I wake up and make a conscious choice that today will be a good day, that my thoughts will be positive and my mood will be joyful. What results more often than not is a good day, sometimes even a better day than I imagined or at the very least a challenging day where by the time my head hits the pillow at night I’m still able to smile.
But when it comes to choosing your thoughts, there is an exception to this rule for those who suffer from PTSD.
I’ve never met anyone with PTSD who did not want to let go of their past. If anything, I’ve only met people who have wished it was that easy, to somehow stop the memories from flooding back at inopportune times or even silence them forever.
“PTSD: It’s not the person refusing to let go of the past, but the past refusing to let go of the person.”
I saw this quote online and after I read it I immediately thought YES! That’s exactly what it’s like.
And I think it’s an excellent quote to help people understand what PTSD is all about.
It’s so easy to say to someone experiencing the flashbacks from PTSD just let it go!....as if it’s possible to have complete control over those thoughts. I know this because I’ve heard that before, and I’ve also heard from other people with PTSD say they’ve been told the same thing. The truth is every desire within that human wants to do just that, to stop the flashbacks that are one of the most common symptoms of PTSD from ever occurring again….but it’s not that simple.
So to help you better understand what may happen in the mind of someone with PTSD when they’re exposed to their triggers, let me take you inside what has happened for me when I see and hear intensely strong winds, which is one of my triggers. Typically, before anything happens, I’m like my usual self—positive, happy, going about my day in a productive way—until that storm rolls in along with a really strong gust of wind. What then happens ranges in intensity, but I’ll give you an overview. Immediately I see myself back on the porch of the house I grew up in watching the scene of my father being struck by a tree during a freak storm. Sometimes, I think of a ton of intense details about what I saw and heard, such as the 9-1-1 call I made or the first responders tending to the scene. Sometimes, it’s a quick flashback of simply standing in that exact spot on the porch. Sometimes it lasts minutes. Sometimes only seconds. All the time, no matter how much therapy, yoga, meditation, acupuncture, running and whatever else I’ve discovered along the way that‘s helped me cope with my PTSD, I have flashbacks. Those have never gone away, and for me I’ve accepted that they may stick with me for the rest of my life.
The good news is this…. What I’ve learned over the last nineteen years that I’ve had PTSD is what results from those flashbacks doesn’t always run my life. For me it’s not about stopping the flashbacks from happening. That’s the past that’s refusing to let go of me. It’s how I choose to deal with their effects, and that’s where I have the power to stay strong and find my way back to my normal positive, happy, productive self.
I recognize I’m lucky in this regard, because my triggers are not everyday occurrences. But for those who suffer from flashbacks frequently because they can’t easily get away from their triggers, perhaps because they are a part of their job or the trigger is a rather everyday thing, think about what PTSD must be like for them.
Can you see now why it may be challenging to simply let it go?
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